I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
