Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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