i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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