There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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