Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
