I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
