so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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