Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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