hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
