Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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