i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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