u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it glows. i had to have it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
