I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
