im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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