White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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