I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
