Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
