Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
