His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
