I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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