Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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