i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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