Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
