yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
