I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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