Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
