First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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