Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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