dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
True college students do jello shots in the library
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
