I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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