Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
