I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
