Have you finally orgasmed yet?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
