sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i need some magic done to my vagina
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
