Can i not drive my cunt home
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
