He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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