there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
