okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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