I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
