shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
