Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
