why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
