Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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