Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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