Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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