either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
