Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
