I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
