ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize
