i jhust puked up my retainher.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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