I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
