there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
