He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
