thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
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there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
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The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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