3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We won't sleep together?
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize