Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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