worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
