you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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