Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am available for nakedness
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
