i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
