im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
