I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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