Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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