when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Will exercising make me less horny?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
