I have demons in me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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