im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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