he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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