Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
