More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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