i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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