You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
