He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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