yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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