My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
