whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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