ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
