i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
