you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
